Most of us confer with friends or family when we want sympathy, empathy or advice. We figure that people who know us well will listen and give an insightful perspective. But sometimes we don't tell the whole story when we're looking for advice or sympathy or a reality check. There are two ways, as I see it, that we hide part of the story.The first way is to tell the friend or family member everything from our perspective only. Since we all perceive things in a different manner, we may omit information fairly innocently. But if we strive to be fair and evolved, then there is culpability for not trying to see or present the other view. If we're honest, we can find some way to see the other side--or at least part of it.
The second way to hide part of the story is more calculating. We intentionally leave out important information so that our friend or relative will HAVE to agree with us, feel sorry for us, give us the advice we want to hear or some combination of these. There are crucial details that will either make us look bad or will defeat our attempt to get sympathy or validation.
You could call this lying, since the withholder is being misleading and manipulating. Maybe the withholder just wants attention and sympathy at any cost. More often, I think, the concealed details are too painful for the withholder to disclose.
If someone ever does this to you, it will probably hurt when you discover the truth. Try not to feel angry and manipulated. Your loved one was likely suffering a great deal to hide things from you, and needs your understanding even more than before.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful qualities we possess. To live and love through challenges and obstacles takes courage. The reward is that it strengthens us and our bonds with others, especially the ones we care about most.
